Chapter 3 Happiness

3.1 Principle of Effort

  • Take responsibility for your happiness and well-being.
    • As an adult, it is your responsibility. Take reins, don’t take the role of a victim.
  • Focus on what you can control.
    • Focus on what’s ahead and what you can change. Don’t get stuck living in the past. Leave out what you cannot control. Make peace with them. No one is omnipotent.
    • Don’t take responsibility for events out of your control. Take responsibility for what you can influence. This is the essence of stoic philosophy.
  • Take action. Do what you need to do.
    • Fulfill your needs first. Ensure your safety.
    • Take care of your health and physical well-being. Also, mental health.
    • Build strong interpersonal relationships that feel meaningful.
    • Ask: What would make you proud of yourself?
  • Check out Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
    • Physiological needs first. Food, sleep, shelter and so on.
    • Safety needs afterwards. Personal, emotional and financial. Also, health.
    • Love and social needs comes next. Trust, acceptance, intimacy, sex. Friends, family, community. A sense of belonging.
    • Esteem needs later. Self-respect, confidence, competence. Being proud of yourself.
    • What comes afterwards? Living true to yourself. How does it happen? Aligning your beliefs and actions. Doing what you believe is right. Having a sense of purpose and meaning.

3.2 Principle of Serenity

  • Learn to be content with what you have.
    • Limit wants. Wants have no end if left unbounded, since it is human desire to always want more. Aim to understand why do you want what you want. What do you truly desire?
    • This doesn’t mean don’t be ambitious. Quite the contrary. Exercise actions you deem appropriate, but leave out the rest. Don’t mull over what could or should have happened.
    • Don’t compare yourself with others. Comparison is a thief of joy.
  • Be cautiously optimistic.
    • In essence, hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
    • Be realistic, don’t neglect to take precautions. But, stay optimistic afterwards. Believe that it is going to be okay, one way or another. Don’t worry too much, especially for things out of your control.
    • Appreciate the good in your life. See the glass half full.
  • Don’t take yourself or life so seriously.
    • A little humor goes a long way. Life is too short to worry too much.
    • Stop to smell the roses along the way. Appreciate beauty.
    • Don’t let work define you. View it as a part, a means for a purpose.

3.3 Principle of Purpose

  • Focus on the process, not outcome.
    • Life is not a race, don’t rush till the end. Grand finale is already determined from the beginning: Your life will come to an end.
    • Don’t forget the future and the long term. But also, don’t forget there is an end. Do the things you want to do while you can.
    • Enjoy the process. Be open to trying new things and explore.
  • Consider right actions, rather than right outcomes.
    • Buddhist philosophy: The source of frustration is not losing. It is the desire to win, the desire to reach a particular outcome. Related comic.
    • Doing and expecting are different. Do, but don’t expect.
    • Engage in actions because they are right, given the available knowledge. Do not regret a contrary or undesirable outcome of an action that seemed right at the time. See it as a learning experience, it is part of the process.
    • Be content in knowing that you did what you are supposed to do, regardless of outcome.
  • Aim for a meaningful life, not for happiness.
    • Aiming for happiness typically leads to comfort and pleasure seeking behavior. Successful in the short run, but detrimental in the long run for happiness.
    • Paradoxically, aiming for what feels meaningful leads to behaviour that reinforce happiness in the long run.
      • What feels meaningful is typically productive actions that involve other people, that are beneficial to others and the community. Engaging in such behavior typically results in positive feedback and improve personal satisfaction.
  • Deal with reality, and accept it. Describe and understand how things happen. Do not assert how things are supposed to happen.
    • Learn to distinguish fantasy from reality, opinion from fact, impressions from knowledge. Acknowledge subjectivity in life.

3.4 Perspectives

3.4.1 About the meaning and purpose of life

My take: “What’s the meaning of life?” is a backwards question, and the answer is nothing definite, because:

  • Life doesn’t exist because there is any meaning or purpose. But, meaning and purpose exists because there is life. That’s where everything starts.

    • Our cognition and perspective is what attributes meaning to the external world. This makes our existence valuable to ourselves in a way that anything external can possibly hope not. I mean, if you lose that consciousness, what even remains there to discuss?

  • Philosophies that defend similar ideas, and my interpretations:

    • Existentialism: The life does not have a preordained meaning. Existence is what creates meaning, and that’s what matters. So, live true to yourself and create your own purpose.
    • Nihilism: Life is devoid of any objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value. Individuals must either accept the inherent meaninglessness of existence or define their own meaning.
    • Absurdism: Humans inherently seek meaning and purpose in life, but the universe is indifferent and inherently meaningless. So, rebel against this absurd universe by determining your own purpose and values!
    • Taoism: Do not impose external purposes. Embrace the natural flow of life. Focus on harmony and live in accordance with nature.
    • Buddhism: Concept of Anatta (not-self). There is no permanent self. Life is continuous process of change. Thus, search for a fixed purpose or identity is a source of suffering. So, let go of any attachments or desires for specific purposes and focus on inner peace.
    • Stoicism: Happiness does not depend on external circumstances. It depends on your own virtue and rationality. So, focus on what’s in your control and live virtuously in accordance with the nature. In other words: Do the right thing, based on what you know about the rational world, to find contentment and purpose in life.

3.4.2 About wisdom and intelligence

Here is my perspective on the importance of wisdom in broader picture:

  • Observation is the process of learning, and collecting data.
  • Intelligence is transforming data into knowledge.
  • Wisdom is translating knowledge into appropriate actions, often in the face of uncertainty.
  • What remains after is executing these actions.

All steps are important in the end, since a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. That being said, to make sure that you truly understand a topic or information, aim to translate it into actions, answering:

  • So what? What does this mean? What am I supposed to do with this information?

Without that, knowledge is just a dry description of reality, barely relevant.

3.4.3 About Self-Actualization - Last step in Mazlov’s hierarchy of needs

According to Mazlov, self-actualization is the highest step where personal potential is fully realized after other bodily and ego needs are fulfilled. It is commonly interpreted as “the full realization of one’s potential” or of one’s “true self”, and is associated with a person who is living creatively, autonomously, and spontaneously.

My perspective: I am not convinced about the importance of self-actualization in the form described by Mazlov. Or rather, about whether search for any external activities, creativity or “passion” is truly necessary. Nevertheless, I believe a sense of purpose is required to be content and to feel that life is worth living, whatever that purpose may be. This concept is called Ikigai in Japanese culture, meaning ‘a reason for being’.

In my opinion, the answer lies in beliefs. The key to achieve this last step of fulfillment, after the other needs, is to behave in a way that is consistent with what you believe to be true, so that you can enjoy life and be proud of yourself.

In general, there are two ways this can happen:

  • Believe what you do is right.
  • Do what you believe is right.

The answer will likely be a mixture of the two. Awareness and being honest with yourself is important for that purpose. Note that, a conscious thought is not necessarily an internal belief. Just like, saying something out loud doesn’t necessarily make it true. So, this discussion is about internal beliefs, whether they are conscious or not.

To summarize my opinion: For someone to be content with themselves, their beliefs and actions need to be aligned so that they can be proud of themselves. Believing that you are important and worth being happy is vital. If you believe that everyone is important to themselves, thus worth being happy, this can make it easier for you to believe you are worthy as well. Being non-judgemental helps, though I don’t consider this general belief to be necessary in all cases for everyone.

Some related concepts to this are cognitive dissonance in psychology and lowering expectations of future. See the discussions below for more information.

3.4.4 About Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive Dissonance is a type of psychological stress that happens when the beliefs and actions, or rather the external world, are not aligned. Since this is a mentally taxing situation, the mind wants to resolve this situation in any way possible. Thus, a common response is rationalization, or in other words: “Believe what you do is right” (the first option in the previous discussion).

In practice, rationalization can cause issues and can even be pathological, or otherwise not be beneficial. However, that is not my point here. My point is: This is a stressful situation. Alignment of the mind and external world is critical. This alignment is necessary to be content and to be at peace.

That’s why I consider it a useful practice to go over the internal beliefs, questioning them or aligning them with the external events and the reality.

3.4.5 About lowering expectations and living in the moment

This concept is about: Having no or low expectations. More specifically, keeping your beliefs regarding the future minimal. This idea is particularly prominent in Buddhist and Stoic philosophies, as far as I know.

In general, the fewer and more flexible the beliefs are regarding the outer world and the future (while acknowledging any uncertainties), the easier it will be to align them with external events and be at peace. I believe this is the true importance of having an open mind. Thinking rigidly in terms of shoulds and musts, regarding how the world is supposed to function, is not beneficial in many circumstances.

Though of course, I’d also say: Do what needs to be done, to achieve fulfillment. This minimalism of low expectations is not an argument against ambitious actions. I just say: Keep your beliefs, regarding how the external world and other people should behave, simple and open-ended. Respond and behave in line with your internal beliefs, aiming to keep yourself and internal peace safe.

This idea is also closely related to Carpe diem (seize the day) and living in the moment. Philosophies that teach similar ideas, and my interpretations:

  • Stoicism: Live in the present moment and focus on what is within your control.
  • Buddhism: Live and experience the present moment. Life is like a river, ever-changing. Nothing is permanent, so do not get overly attached.
  • Taoism: Concept of Wu Wei (effortless action). Go with the flow, as in do not disregard the flow of the universe. Allow actions to unfold naturally. Let go of the desire to control everything. Let go and find peace.
  • Hinduism: Concept of Nishkama Karma (detached action). Perform your duties without being attached to the fruits of your actions. So, focus on the present moment without being overly concerned with the future.
  • Existentialism: Embrace the uncertainty of the future and the unknown, rather than relying on fixed beliefs or predetermined destinies. Enjoy the freedom!
  • Modern mindfulness: Live and stay in the present. Observe the thoughts and feelings without judgment.

3.4.6 About ikigai and having a sense of purpose

My take: Having a sense of purpose is important to be content in life. However, this purpose doesn’t have to be grandiose. Purposelessness can be a purpose itself. As in, the purpose is to be existing or to be happy. That can be the main internal belief and can work fine, as long as you live in accordance that belief, and satisfy it.

The issue with happiness being the core belief or purpose is that: Happiness is an internal state, an emotion, thus it is unrealistic to expect to be happy all the time. Keeping this expectation at a reasonable level can be important. Besides that, I don’t see any issue with existence being the sole purpose.

Practical framework for ikigai: The intersection of four elements: (1) What you love, (2) what you are good at, (3) what the world needs, and (4) what you can be paid for.

While the above framework is helpful in practice (since money and jobs are necessary in life under normal circumstances), in general, I do not believe this purpose have to be something specific, constant or explicitly defined. Spontaneous living and tackling a variety of interests can be perfectly fine too.

The key is to have something to look forward to.